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Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys. Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved. Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more!

Vibrators come in various shapes and sizes — some lifelike. Many models feature adjustable speeds of vibration, a crucial feature for skin that may have become supersensitive over the years. This should be a given, but if you’re going to use a sex toy with Karen that you just used with Mary, you need to wash it ahead of time. "Most strokers are made out of a porous rubber material because it’s very, very soft, and most people wouldn’t want to stroke their penis with something that feels like a brick," says Carly S.

If your partner is not open to the conversation or idea, don’t force toys on them with insistence or ultimatums. One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, these experts said, is attempting to just whip them out during sex. Unless you know your partner is comfortable with you and appreciates surprises during sex, Boyajian says, this "can leave them feeling anxious and pressured," potentially dredging up insecurities or creating conflict.

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